Content of the material
- 1. Identify why you are reacting badly
- What do nerds do?
- Lessening the Sting of a Painful Loss
- Smile and Say “GG”
- Find Reasons to Praise Others
- Convert Your Negative Energy
- Somebody Has to Lose
- Help Your Child Understand Feelings
- Sore Loser or Spoiled Brat?
- Congratulate the Winner Immediately
- Practice Winning Gracefully
- How Are Losers Created?
- How to stop being a sore loser
- Offer your congratulations.
- Allow yourself to feel bad.
- Don’t play the blame game.
- Focus on the positive.
- 3. Don’t use your anger destructively
- Keep Your Cool
- First Things First- Accept How You Feel
- Free Get Ready to Quit Smoking email series
1. Identify why you are reacting badly
Being a sore loser isn’t usually just about the loss. People want to win. It’s normal, fair, and reasonable to be upset about a loss when you competed and practiced hard.
However, many people tie their wins and losses to their measure of self-worth and validation. So, when they lose, it’s not just that they lost a game or missed out on a promotion. They instead interpret it as some kind of commentary on who they are as a person. That they must not be good enough or valid enough because they couldn’t win.
This kind of thing is often tied into things like growing up with abusive parents that forced their child to earn their love. As a result, the child learns they need to win or succeed to earn love and positive attention from their parents and get punished when they don’t.
Or perhaps you grew up in a very competitive environment with regards to your siblings. If everything was a competition and you faced ridicule because you lost more often than not, it may still hurt to lose now, in your adult life.
Ask yourself, “Where are these negative feelings coming from?” Is it just because you lost? Or is it because the loss is touching something else that is causing you to have an extremely negative reaction?
What do nerds do?
A lot of nerds express their love for whatever they happen to be nerdy about in fun and creative ways. They may, for example, be into cosplay, going to cons, roleplaying games, or tracking the filming locations of their favorite shows.
How do I become a loser?
9 Habits That Can Make a Person Become a Loser
- Being jealous and vilifying others.
- Loving free or cheap stuff.
- Rejecting other people’s opinions.
- Not knowing how to communicate with other people.
- Giving up on our goals and principles.
- Not believing in ourselves.
- Comparing ourselves to others. …
How do I become a better loser? How to Be a Better Loser
- Give yourself some space. After months of training, everything went wrong in your first half marathon. …
- Be a good sport. In youth sports, children are told to congratulate their opponents after a loss. …
- Seek support. …
- Take time to reflect. …
- Make a plan. …
- The bottom line.
How do you drive a girl crazy over text?
Lessening the Sting of a Painful Loss
Smile and Say “GG”
According to a 2019 study from Texas A&M University, “the available evidence supports the facial feedback hypothesis’ central claim that facial feedback influences emotional experience, although these effects tend to be small and heterogeneous.”
In short, while it’s no cure for depression and there are limits to its effect, forcing a smile can make you feel better.
I’ve personally found that smiling—yes, the physical act is important for this—and saying “GG” is helpful when processing a big loss. Plus, it’s simply good sportsmanship, as long as you’re saying it with good intent.
Find Reasons to Praise Others
Rather than playing the blame game and thinking about what your teammates did wrong, consider everything your teammates did right—and then voice it to them.
Not only will it make them feel better (remember, you’re all reeling from the same loss), but you’d be surprised how much better you’ll feel. The main thing is that it takes your focus off of yourself and your own mistakes, and that can mitigate the pain of losing.
Convert Your Negative Energy
If your sore losership manifests in anger or passion, expend that mental energy in physical activity. Drop and do 20 pushups. Or jump rope 100 times. Or box with a punching bag for 5 minutes.
I don’t usually recommend “blowing off steam” as a healthy way to cope with stress, but for the occasional big loss, it’s useful to have in your arsenal.
Somebody Has to Lose
In every PvP game, somebody has to lose; there’s no way around it. The fact that you lost means somebody else didn’t, so in a sense, you yourself took on the pain of losing so that somebody else could enjoy a win.
Consider it a sacrificial act of service. A bit cheesy? Perhaps. But it can help! (Of course, it’s a lot easier to do when your opponent is a gracious winner.)
Help Your Child Understand Feelings
When kids can identify their feelings of sadness, anger, disappointment, and frustration, they’re less likely to act them out. Teach your child about feelings and help him develop healthy coping strategies to deal with those feelings.
Validate his feelings too. Talk about how it feels sad, embarrassing, and disappointing to lose. But make it clear he has options in how he deals with his uncomfortable emotions.
Sore Loser or Spoiled Brat?
The term “spoiled brat” is undoubtedly a harsh one, but it’s a term that could be used to identify many people. Discipline methods have altered over the past few years, and some parents are afraid to hand down any correction to their children because they want to keep them happy.
Someone who is a sore loser may be merely spoiled. Assume you’re playing a board game with your children. Everyone is having a great time until your daughter, Nellie, loses. She gets so angry she throws the board game and all the components across the kitchen.
Nellie has never suffered from abuse, she doesn’t have a low view of herself, and she is a well-rounded child. The other obvious issue here is that Nellie is spoiled. She is a sore loser because she has been handed to and indulged so much in life she expects to win.
While you certainly don’t know why she’s acting this way, the worst thing you can do is not to correct the behavior. You must make her pick up the game and apologize for her actions. If you don’t fix this mindset, she will grow up and go through life throwing similar temper tantrums when things don’t go her way, which will cause her significant issues.
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Congratulate the Winner Immediately
We're all about fake it 'til ya make it, and—real talk—being a good winner is mostly about appearances. Even if the loss is eating you up inside, immediately congratulating the winner gives off the sense that you're taking it well. You don't need to have a long-winded conversation with them, just let them know that you're happy for their success and move on. Plus, if you force yourself to put on a happy face regarding their success, you'll stop yourself from spiraling into a negative space about your loss.
Practice Winning Gracefully
Sore losers usually aren’t graceful winners. When they beat their opponent, they tend to find great joy in rubbing it in and bragging about their victory.
Teach your child how to show kindness to others by shaking hands and saying, “Good game” to an opponent or by saying, “Thank you for playing with me.” Help your child focus on the fun he had playing the game, not who won or lost.
How Are Losers Created?
No one comes into this world a loser.
When a child is born, the nurse doesn’t say:
Hey, doesn’t this child look like a loser???
Losers are made, not born. The sooner a man realizes that, the sooner he can act proactively.
If you look into the background of a so-called loser, you’ll see a multiplicity of various issues.
You might see trauma or even abuse of some kind by an authority figure such as a teacher or a parent.
You might see a tragic home life.
You might see bullying by other kids on the playground.
You might see a hard rejection by a woman in their teenage years or adolescence.
You might see someone who came from a deficient background with absolutely zero encouragement or motivation.
Every person who is considered a “loser” had different life circumstances.
Not all “losers” came from neglectful homes and not all “losers” were bullied in school. It’s a combination of different issues that a person unconsciously draws upon to justify their lack of assertiveness to get the things they really want in life.
Either way, this sets the stage for someone to mentally “check out” of life, usually starting early on. This person becomes someone who makes a habit of taking “the easy way out” or avoiding pain whether it in areas such as procrastination or materialistically in the form of alcohol or drugs.
This passive aggressive “whatever” attitude towards life is characteristic of many so called “losers” and it’s only broken by action.
How to stop being a sore loser
Offer your congratulations
Whether you lost a game or a promotion, always offer your congratulations to the winner. You may not want to, but by doing so, you already take a step in the right direction. Doing the right thing will help you in the long run.
Allow yourself to feel bad
No one likes losing. You can’t control the presence of negative emotions when you lose. Feeling bad is natural.
What you can control is how you react and control those emotions. Feel bad as much as you want, but do not dwell on it. Better yet, do not act rashly while you’re still feeling bad. Distance yourself from the situation – may it be physically or mentally.
Don’t play the blame game
Not only does it make you look bad, but it will become a habit, and you’ll fall into the trap of not being responsible for yourself and your actions. Instead of pointing fingers, analyze the situation and what happened. Even if you find that the playing field is not so level, try to go beyond that. Practice makes perfect.
Focus on the positive
Speaking of going beyond the playing the blame game, try to look for the positive. It is not easy, to be sure, but if you look hard enough, there will always be something to find.
Even better, identify what went wrong on your end, and come up with a plan that you can execute the next time you encounter a similar situation. Having that plan in your head will help avoid defeat in the future and even if you do lose, you’ll have a different perspective.
3. Don’t use your anger destructively
Anger is a fair and reasonable emotion to experience when you’ve lost. What isn’t reasonable or fair is using that anger destructively against others. You don’t have to let your anger dictate your actions. Get up and take a little walk to blow off some steam. Take a few minutes to collect your thoughts, then rejoin the group.
You don’t want to vent your anger out at other people or physically lash out. No one wants to play with the person who flips the table, starts yelling, or endlessly complains when they lose. You’ll quickly find yourself ostracized and uninvited from competitions that way.
Keep Your Cool
Even though you feel like screaming your lungs out, even though you feel like beating the crap out of people, even though you feel like throwing tantrum- Don’t. The first thing you got to do as soon as your temper flares is take a deep breath and count backward from 10 to 1 because you really don’t want to lash out. Keep your cool, stay calm and don’t do anything out of temper. If it gets too much just leave the place. Trust me it’s better that way. Be mature enough to deal with the defeat.
First Things First- Accept How You Feel
Defeat is a nasty feeling. It is really bitter and hard to deal with, totally agreed! Don’t be harsh on yourself. You’ve to deal with the things that come your way. So just accept it that you’re meant to feel that way.
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