How to make myself get out of bed more quickly

1. Adopt a “fixed volume” approach to productivity

We all need to make tough choices about what we can realistically get done, so that we can prioritize the activities that matter most, instead of reacting to a constant barrage of demands.

One way is to keep two to-do lists — one for everything on your plate, and one for the 10 or fewer things that you’re currently working on. Fill up the 10 slots on the second list with items from the first, then set to work. The rule is not to move any further items from the first list onto the second until you’ve freed up a slot by finishing one of the 10 items.

A related strategy is to set a pre-established time boundary for certain types of daily work — for example, to resolve to write from 8AM to 11AM — and to make sure you stop when time’s up.

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2. Celebrate Their Wins

When someone shares great news with you, instead of dismissing it, sharing good news of your own, or even bashing their good news — celebrate their win by being genuinely excited for them.

3. Take a class

Whether you choose a traditional, semester-length class at a community college or university, a short-term workshop series through your local adult extension, or a one- or two-day seminar through an organization like Learning Annex, taking a class is a great way to meet people – while learning something new at the same time.

Unless you’re under 22, my advice is to take evening classes or adult extension classes; these courses are most likely to include a large number of adults taking classes for their own professional development or personal improvement. While younger students can be incredible people, you may find that you have very little in common with them, and that they really don’t understand the kinds of pressures you face as a working adult and possibly parent. (And they can’t get into bars, which cuts out an excellent site for post-class camaraderie!)

3. Decide in advance what to fail at

You’ll inevitably underachieve at something, simply because your time and energy are finite. But strategic underachievement — nominating in advance the areas of your life in which you won’t expect excellence — helps you focus your time and energy more effectively.

For example, you might decide in advance that it’s OK to have a cluttered kitchen while you finish your novel, or to do the bare minimum on a particular work project so you can spend more time with your children.

To live this way is to replace the high-pressure quest for work-life balance with something more reasonable — a deliberate kind of imbalance.

#3: Your first text out of the friendzone

After reading this tip, you’ll know the exact system I use to NEVER get friendzoned.

But first I have to tell you something that you won’t like to hear.

See, I can tell you exactly how to text and what to text.

But if you’ve royally screwed up in real life, then no text can help you.

Have you been an absolute lapdog ever since you met her?

Then changing the way you communicate won’t destroy the friendzone you’ve built.

There is no online fix for an offline problem.

If you came here to get a couple of copy-paste texts to instantly fix your chances with that one girl that has already friendzoned you, and you’re now annoyed that I’m not giving you that…

…then feel free to close this tab and go elsewhere.

Anyone promising you a quick fix is a liar.

And anyone jetting out of here after hearing there is no quick fix, will be friendzoned OVER AND OVER in the future.

Time to look the truth in the eyes and secure yourself a lovely future.

Sounds good?

Good. Then let’s get to it!

Now that all quitters and pessimists have left, I can tell you that there is hope.

See, you likely should have been more direct towards your crush.

You should have spoken louder and more clearly.

You should have teased.

But that is exactly what you’re going to start doing from now on.

And we’re going to start with any friendzoned guy’s #1 weakness.

Teasing.

Not only do I have a mindset for you to use, I even have copy pastable templates you can use in any situation.

And once we’ve covered teasing, I’m also going to give you two more tools.

Enough talking, check out this video below to discover my templates to tease her with…

…and some juicy screenshots!

I Got Rejected—Now What!?

If all else fails, accept that you’re never getting out of the friend zone. That’s OK!

Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

And besides, being friends isn’t that bad. There’s plenty of science on why good friendships help people live longer, happier lives. Read up more on these resources to maximize your friendships:

• Be More Likable Using These 5 Science Backed Strategies
• How to Have and Hold Dazzling Conversation With Anyone
• How to Make Friends As An Adult In 5 Easy to Use Steps

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Step 4: Create a Monthly Budget

Want to know how much you can put toward debt each month? You’re going to need a budget.

A reasonable budget helps you understand where your money is going. It alerts you to where cash is leaking out to things that don’t really matter to you. And it clues you in on how much you can afford to spend on the things you do want.

By building a budget thoughtfully and allowing yourself some flexibility, you can reduce money stress by knowing there is always money in the bank for the things you need.

How to make a budget

Before you dive in, remember one thing:  the budget you create today is not set in stone.

Your categories, spending, and habits will change over the first few months; and that is perfectly fine! It will take time to adjust to tracking your expenses and creating awareness of your needs.

1. Figure out how much money you make

Look up exactly how much you get paid each pay period. This is what you have to work with.

2. Define your core expenses

Housing, utilities, groceries, insurance – These are nonnegotiable expenses and must be covered first.

3. Write out your debt payments

For now, assume you only make minimum payments on all of your debts since that is the amount required.

4. Create categories for regular expenses and assign reasonable spending limits to each item

Don’t be afraid to have many budget categories. It will help you have a greater understanding of where things are going. Some regular expenses include internet, cell phone, household goods, medical costs, pets, haircuts, and car/home repairs. Not every item will have an expense each month; but by setting some money aside for those irregular expenses, you’ll be ready when they hit.

Related: How to Pay Off Unexpected Medical Debt

5. Allocate remaining money between debt paydown and quality of life expenses

The money that is left over from your income after completing steps 2-4 is what you have to contribute toward your goals and fun. In addition to debt paydown, you may want to allow for dinners out, gym memberships, gifts, etc. Divide the money in the way that best works for you.

Tip: While you may want to run at your goals full speed, always have some pocket money budgeted. Even if it only covers one Starbucks coffee a month, those little treats will keep you sane.

If you have very little money left over after Step 4, you may need to review your core and regular expenses. Without big lifestyle changes, you may be stuck treading water, finding it difficult to ever fully get out of debt.

As you get accustomed to your budget, don’t be afraid to shift money from one category to another. There is no such thing as a normal month. Don’t go on a spending splurge and completely fall off the tracks just because you didn’t accurately predict the cost of a house repair.

Related: 3 Debt Relief Services and How to Choose the Best for You

How to get the most out of therapy

Therapy is different for everyone. What works for one person may not work for someone else. However, there are a few tips and tricks that can help us all make the most of it.

Don’t obsess over being polite

You can ask questions. You are allowed to disagree with your therapist. And if something doesn’t make sense to you, say so. No amount of advanced training in psychology or years of study will ever invalidate your feelings. Speak up if something feels off.

Don’t keep things to yourself

The best way for your therapist to get to know the real you (and to help you!) is for you to be completely honest about what you’re thinking. If you’re worried about feeling judged, remember that a good therapist isn’t there to make judgments.

Be your most authentic self

If the very idea of being authentic is confusing or feels unnatural, tell your therapist. That is valuable information for the work ahead. If you’re struggling to describe or articulate how you really feel, say so. Honesty is the best way to get to the root of what you’re struggling with and how you’re really feeling.

Let your emotions show

Therapy is the one place you don’t have to bottle up your emotions. If something comes up that makes you angry or sad, let those emotions out. Every therapist has heard a variation of someone saying, “sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying.” Part of therapy is helping you navigate those emotions.

Try not to focus solely on symptom relief

As an example, say you want to stop having panic attacks. A therapist aids you in mitigating those attacks, but they also want to get to the root of why you’re having those attacks in the first place. It’s like taking ibuprofen for pain. It alleviates the pain, but you still need to figure out what’s causing the pain in the first place.

Set boundaries around therapy

It can feel natural to discuss new therapy with a significant other or family, but try to create thoughtful parameters around how you speak about it. There may come a time when you don’t feel comfortable sharing what happened in therapy. It’s wise not to set up expectations that you’ll always share. Plus, sometimes a peanut gallery is more destructive than valuable.

Keep a journal

The work is not done when the therapy hour is done. Whatever you covered in your last session will come up in your next session. Throughout the week, try to practice what you learned in therapy. Keep an eye out for what emotions come up and what new challenges you may face.

The best way to keep track of how you feel between therapy sessions is to keep a journal. It can be a notebook or even just a private Google doc where you scribble your thoughts. It’s perfectly ok to refer to this doc in therapy. Your therapist will probably appreciate the work you’re willing to put in.

Establish a process for check ins

It's useful to plan in advance how you can reach your therapist between sessions. Sometimes doing the work results in feeling emotional, overwhelmed, and lost, and you may want to email or call your therapist for a quick reflection on how to manage these emotions. Your therapist should have a protocol for contacting them between sessions.

Expect to drag your feet sometimes

Sometimes we just don’t feel like going to therapy. You can cancel sessions in advance, but be cognizant of this feeling and why you may be feeling it. Is it time to find a different therapist? Or are you working through something really challenging?

Therapy is similar to exercising in that way: we might want to veg out instead of work out, but we usually feel better if we exercise.

Get business out of the way

Start each session with scheduling questions, payment, and other administrative duties. It helps to get this out of the way so you’re not interrupting the emotional work at the end of the session.

Don’t worry about the clock

Your therapist will be the one keeping an eye on the time. Do your best to turn off devices and be present. Therapy is typically only 50 minutes — try to dedicate that time to yourself.

Do try to schedule therapy at a good time

Sometimes we can’t be choosy with the timing of our therapy hour, but if you can, it’s best to schedule it when you can have some time to reflect after the session is over. It’s easier to be fully emotionally available when you don’t have to be back at work immediately after.

Don't expect your therapist to tell you what to do

Therapy is less about advice and more about helping you make decisions that serve you. It can be tempting to ask a therapist to just tell you what to do, but be wary of therapists who are quick to give advice. They may be serving their own agenda more than yours.

Be patient

Therapy is hard work. Positive changes take time. It can be frustrating, and that’s ok. If you get frustrated, it’s perfectly acceptable to talk about it with your therapist. If at any point you feel like you’re not accomplishing anything in therapy, talk to your therapist about both their long and short-term plans.

Reading these tips shows that you’re willing to do the work, and that’s the most important thing. Good therapy will often feel like work. Therapy is an investment in yourself and your future, and it should feel as such. A strong therapeutic relationship will make you feel safe and heard, and if you can put the work in, you’ll see the benefits of therapy across every aspect of your life.

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If you or someone you know is seeking mental health care, you can reach out to our Care Coordination team at support@twochairs.com or by phone at 415.202.5159.

If you or someone you know is experiencing an emergency or crisis and needs immediate help, call 911 or go to the nearest emergency room. Additional resources can be found here.

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9 Ways You Know Youre in The Friend Zone

First, imagine someone you might be friend-zoned with. They could be a friend, coworker, or secret crush. Now go through these 10 signs to see if you’re in the friend zone:

1. They suggest bringing friends along. Have you ever invited your special someone to a lunch or event, only to have them text back, “Can I bring my 2 best friends?” This is a bad sign you’re in the friend zone—especially if they want to bring their mother along.
2. They play matchmaker. Do you constantly notice them trying to “hook you up” with their friends? They might be doing this to gauge your interest in others, or they might actually be looking to hook you up with their friends.
3. You’re like a “brother” or “sister” to them. Nothing more… at all.
4. They bring up their crush around you. They’ll even talk about their latest date, tell you how he/she finds them so irresistible, and discuss their future together (that doesn’t involve you).
5. They aren’t afraid to reveal their disgusting habits around you. Loud coughing fits, ear picking, scratching their belly, nose picking—all nasty habits are game.
6. They take you for granted. “Hey, can you drop me off at the airport tomorrow? Thanks!” “Let’s get together so you can help me study for my test tomorrow, OK?”
7. You cancel plans to accommodate them, but they don’t do the same. They wouldn’t even attend your wedding because they’d rather catch up on the latest episode on Netflix. Bummer.
8. They deflect your romantic feelings. Everything you do romantically is “just too cute” or coming from a “really good friend.”
9. There’s no “spark.” Attracted people usually show signs of flirting, like preening their hair, touching, or licking their lips. If there’s no flirting going on, this might be a bad sign. You might even have a gut feeling about this one.

Interesting fact:

Science says she’s more likely to find you less attractive than you find her.

This can cause terrible miscommunication and ultimately a spot in the dreaded “friend zone.” Yikes! Don’t worry we can fix it.

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Step 2: Choose Your Approach

Once you know exactly how much you owe, it’s time to put a plan together for how you’re going to get out of debt.

Throwing money at a different debt every month, without tracking your progress, is a surefire way to burnout. You’ll feel like you’re spinning your wheels and will give up too soon.

The best way to pay down debt is to focus on one piece of debt at a time until that is entirely paid off. In the meantime, make only minimum payments on the other debts.

This gives you milestones to celebrate, motivates you to keep going, and keeps you organized along the way.

So the question is, how do you decide which debt to pay off first?

There are two main philosophies when it comes to making this choice, the “Debt Snowball Method” and the “Debt Avalanche Method.”

Debt snowball method

In a nutshell: Prioritize your debts from smallest to largest, ignoring interest rates.

Remember making snowmen as a kid? You would start with a small snowball, then roll it along the ground, picking up more snow until you had a massive snowman belly. That’s the concept behind the debt snowball.

With the debt snowball, you start by paying off your debt with the smallest balance, regardless of the interest rate.

While you pay off that debt, you make minimum payments on all the others.

Why is it called the debt snowball? Because the amount you put toward the principal (your balance) snowballs every month. You keep putting the same amount of money toward your debts, even as you pay each one off, increasing the amount that goes toward the principal over interest.

Debt avalanche method

In a nutshell: Prioritize your debts from highest interest rate to lowest, ignoring size.

The methodology of the debt avalanche is similar to the debt snowball, except with this method your goal is to minimize interest costs. No extra profits for those greedy creditors from you!

With the debt avalanche, you start by paying off the debt with the highest interest rate, regardless of size.

Then move on to the debt with the next highest interest rate.

Why an avalanche instead of a snowball? Because, by eliminating high-interest costs first, you put more of your cash toward actual principal over time. This means getting out of debt somewhat faster (and cheaper).

Decide which debt you will tackle first

What’s more important to you? Getting quick, early wins by paying off small debts, or paying the least amount of interest?

Both the snowball and avalanche methods have their benefits. And while the debt snowball isn’t mathematically the cheapest way out of debt, it is one of the most effective. Pursuing a debt-free life can be a long process, depending on where you are starting. Paying off a few debts early on can really get you excited to keep going.

Action Item: Choose whichever method sounds best for you, then organize your debts in that order. After, you’re ready to start making payments.

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