How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone With A Guy (And Have Him Chasing You)

Why you’re in the friend zone

There are three reasons why you’ve fallen victim to the friend zone. Hopefully these resonate with you, so you can begin to understand the scale of the task that lies ahead.

1. You have an ‘unbalanced’ friendship agreement

At present, you’re partaking in an ‘unbalanced’ friendship agreement. What this means is this – you want something from this girl that she can’t currently provide – a sexual relationship. Whereas she, on the other hand, is getting everything she wants out of this relationship – to have you as a supportive ‘friend’.

All relationships – whether platonic or sexual – work on a ‘quid pro quo’ basis. Basically, on a give and take agreement. You invest whatever you’re willing to give, in order to get what you want in return from the other person.

If you’ve watched The Departed, you’ll recall Frank Costello (Jack Nicholson) talking to Billy Costigan (Leonardo DiCaprio), and saying:

Right now, this girl is “using you” to get exactly what she wants – a friend.

Where as you’re not getting what YOU want…

Instead, you’re playing the role of the ‘boyfriend’ without any of the sexual benefits of actually being her boyfriend.

So you’re probably doing some of the following:

• Texting back straight away and being readily available
• Giving her lifts like you’re her personal taxi service
• Listening to all her problems and playing the role of her therapist
• Buying her gifts, or you’re her coffee bitch
• Cancelling your plans at the drop of a pin if she wants to meet up

She has you wrapped around her finger, and she probably knows it. The power is in her court and the dynamic of the relationship is totally out of whack.

If this is the case, the only way you can get out of the friend zone is to completely change the dynamic of the relationship. And to re-assess the role you are playing. Only then can you start to rebalance the scales.

2. You’re a Nice Guy

The most common cause of this ‘unbalanced’ friendship exchange is – nice guy syndrome.

When you realised you caught feelings for this girl, you might have unknowingly put her on a pedestal and did everything you could to win her approval.

Basically you bended over backwards for this girl, in the hope that she’d someday appreciate you for all the kind favours – reward you sexually, and realise you were boyfriend material all along.

Like with the points highlighted above, typical nice guy traits include – being the girl’s therapist, her personal Uber driver, and always readily available to text, speak on the phone, or meet in person.

Now, this may not be the case, so apologies if I’m making gross assumptions. But statistically speaking, nice guy syndrome is responsible for about 85% of friend zone cases.

So if this is you, you must stop doing whatever it is you’re doing. It’s time you take a completely different approach…

3. You failed to express sexual interest

Somewhere along the line, you didn’t make your sexual intentions clear. There was miscommunication. The girl you’re into assumed you just wanted to be friends, and as such, the relationship has been sculpted and formed in this way.

Basically you friend zoned yourself. And I know this is a bitter pill to swallow, but honestly you’d be kidding yourself if you thought she single handedly put you there.

YOUR actions and habits put you in the friend zone. Not hers.

You’re in the friend zone because you either failed to make a move, or you failed to tell her how you truly feel. Whatever the reason maybe, you were likely afraid of rejection or worried about damaging the friendship you already have with this girl.

The number one easiest way to avoid the friend zone is to express your sexual intent early on in the interaction! Whether that’s with compliments, flirting, physical touch, going in for the kiss, or confessing how you feel… it’s better to know where you stand, rather than wasting your time with someone who doesn’t love you back.

But hey, if you’re reading this, it’s a little too late for Captain hindsight…

So, the first step on how to get out of the friend zone is quite simply this…. to take responsibility for your actions and accept through no fault other than your own, you’ve landed head-first into the friend zone.

And don’t think for one second you’re a victim of society’s ‘bullshit’. Because badboys and jerks are NOT to blame. And it’s definitely NOT because your crush fails to see what a ‘great guy’ you are….

Accept that everything you’ve done up until now hasn’t work. All your actions and habits have brought you to where you are today.

To escape the friend zone, understand that a completely different approach is needed. Because with this, two very important things need to happen:

1. There needs to be a categoric shift in the dynamic and the role you play within the relationship
2. A personal transformation is in order – your actions, behaviour and mindset need an overhaul for you to have any chance of bedding this woman.

So are you ready? *Inhales deep breathe*

Let’s get you out!

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Advantages of Factoring

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How to Escape The Friend Zone in 4 Steps

To become friend-zoned is easy—to get out of it is a different story. Here’s your step-by-step guide to escaping the friend zone in 4 steps (or less).

The point here is to absolutely CRUSH each step before moving on to the next one. And hopefully you won’t even have to make it to step 4 because you’ll be out of the friend zone by then!

Step 2: Focus on Dopamine

When we interact with people, we’re interacting with a couple of different chemicals. And one I want to focus on is dopamine. Dopamine is the chemical that gives us pleasure, and Dr. John Medina found that dopamine makes people memorable.

Dopamine creates excitement, engagement, and motivation. Think of your person. You want them to say to you:

• “Ohh, this is so much fun!”
• “I love spending time with you!”
• “You’re really interesting and cool!”

That’s dopamine at work, and that’s the fastest way to someone’s heart.

The more dopamine you create, the more they will like you and want to spend time you.

The biggest mistake people make is trying to convince the other that they’re romance material.

In this step, I want you to focus on building the slow game. You are showing them a new side to you–the adventurous, fun spirit you want to offer.

• Try a new class. Or join a group class on Meetup or Facebook groups.
• Set up a new ritual. Decide to try a new restaurant every Thursday. Try to make a new home cocktail every Saturday. Do adventure movie night on Sunday. Try something new together and make it a repeatable activity.
• Ask THEM for favors. The Ben Franklin Effect says that when you ask someone for a favor, they’re more likely to like you back. Why? Because why would they do you a favor if they don’t like you in the first place? It’s classic psychology, and it works.
• Have a new recipe night. Go to your favorite cooking blog or YouTube channel and be adventurous! Find something you’ve never cooked before, and try adding in new recipes on the regular.
• Go on a new hike or explore a new place. You can also vary your daily walk by switching up your normal route.
• Be humorous. Telling jokes to others is a great way to boost dopamine—dad jokes included! Learn to be humorous in our guide here: How to Be Funny.
• Be a cultivator. Always have something you can show to others. Have a cool stamp collection, pictures of your special events on your phone, or a go-to magic trick. Send them funny GIFs, posts, or videos. This will add value by being a dopamine creator!

Pro Tip: Take as long as you need. If you need months or even years, take it slow. You’ll know you need to spend more time here if you’re having a hard time getting your person of interest to reply back to you or spend time with you. Remember, most great relationships last for years and take time to develop.

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Step 4: Focus on Adrenaline

Researchers Dutton and Aron had 85 men cross either a stable bridge or a really scary, shaky one.

After the men stepped off the bridge, they were approached by a woman who offered her name and phone number. The men who crossed the scary bridge were significantly more likely to call the woman afterward and ask her out on a date.

And the same men, after experiencing fear and adrenaline from crossing the shaky bridge, all mistakenly attributed their feelings to sexual attraction when they saw the woman afterward.

It’s hard to tell the difference between adrenaline and attraction. So doing risky things with someone can help make you both more engaged!

So that old tip your high school friend said about taking your crush to see a scary movie?

Yep, that totally works!

I recommend doing small things to stoke your adrenaline:

• take a little road trip
• go on an adventure throughout your city or town
• try skydiving or bungee jumping
• start motorcycling together
• go to a theme park
• skydive together
• watch scary movies
• taste test hot sauce
• turn grocery shopping into an adventure: go on a hunt, navigate the aisles like it’s a new adventure, and have fun!

Feeling really brave? Try doing a quest together. Or try to find your calling together. I dive deep into this in our guide:

How to Find Your Calling

Do this with your person–it could bond you in all kinds of ways you didn’t expect.

Challenge each other and keep the adrenaline going, no matter what stage of the relationship you’re in!

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Things to Discuss Before Moving in with Friends

If you think that moving in together with a friend will benefit both of you and want to give it a try, you need to make sure that the two of you are on the same page – about everything. The most efficient way to do so is to thoroughly discuss your thoughts, wishes, opinions, and concerns with each other.

Sit down with your friend and see if you can come to an agreement on the various aspects of living under one roof. You need to consider things such as rent payments, house rules, and chores:

• Talk about money – Money is a difficult topic to discuss, but it’s important that you and your friend talk about it before you sign a lease together. Compare your disposable budgets and spending habits, determine what you can afford and what you need to refrain from, figure out how you’ll split the payments and what you’ll do if one of you experiences financial difficulties;
• Compare your daily routines – Talk about your schedules, your needs, and your preferences – make sure you both know what time the other person needs to get up, how long their workday is, what early-morning and late-night habits they have, what temperature they like, etc. See if you can coordinate your daily routines and lifestyles so that they don’t clash and you’re both comfortable in your shared home;
• Set cleanliness standards and split up chores – Discuss your cleaning habits and set explicit standards for your shared home – no piles of dirty dishes in the sink, no clothes lying around on the floor, no smoking inside, etc. Make a list of daily, weekly, and monthly chores and agree on how to divide them – you can either rotate the jobs or choose specific tasks each of you will be responsible for (it’s a great solution if one you doesn’t mind doing something and the other one absolutely hates doing it). Come up with an efficient system for tracking what needs to be done when and by whom;
• Decide how you’ll use shared spaces – You’ll be sharing the kitchen, the living room, and, most probably, the bathroom, so you need to establish rules for using these common areas. Talk about how to decorate them and keep them in good condition, how to allocate the available space, what you can and cannot do in the shared areas, etc. You may be good friends, but it’s important to set boundaries and respect them;
• Discuss your feelings on sharing things – Decide how to share the refrigerator and other household appliances, whether you’d like to share items like the iron or the vacuum cleaner, how you feel about sharing clothes and accessories with your friend, etc. (Make sure never to borrow anything without asking your friend’s permission first!) Don’t forget to talk about sharing food either – decide whether you will go grocery shopping together or separately, if you’ll share all the food or just some common items like cooking oil, if you prefer each of you to only use the items you bought yourself, etc. Make sure you share the purchasing of the goods you decided you’re going to share – if one of you does the lion’s share of buying, it’s sure to cause problems at some point;
• Define your guest policy – Talk about drop-in and planned guests – come to an agreement on how often relatives and friends can visit and how long they can stay, how much advance notice is desirable, who can stay in your shared apartment when one of you is out of town, etc. Find out if either of you wishes to have their significant other over most of the time and if the other person is cool with it. See how you feel about hosting parties and events – set clear rules about smoking, drinking, noise limits, cleaning after the party, etc.;

  

• Decide how you’re going to handle problems – Having a disagreement with a friend is much worse than having a disagreement with a roommate you didn’t know before – you care about your pal, don’t want to argue with them, and don’t feel comfortable admonishing them. So, you need to find a way to handle potential problems without risking to ruin your friendship – openly share concerns, vent out frustrations, talk over issues, etc. It may be difficult to bring up issues that bother you about your friend, but it’s better to address uncomfortable situations right away rather than let them evolve into a serious problem;
• Make it clear that you won’t spend every second of your time together – It may be your best friend you’re living with, but you’ll certainly want some alone time now and again. You can do a few things together, but you should have enough time to pursue your own interests, meet with other friends, etc. Spending time apart doesn’t mean you’re leaving your friend out – it’s very important to learn to respect each other’s privacy, needs, and personal space.

Key takeaway: Open communication is of crucial importance for successful cohabitation.  Don’t just assume that your best friend feels the same way about things as you do – talk about it.

8 Things To Do With Friends Online

via: Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto

Nowadays, you can almost everything on the internet, including, of course, hang out with friends. These things to do online with friends are great ideas to level up your online hangout.

Here are 8 things to do with friends online:

78. Register To An Online Dating Site

Well, of course, you should not be in a relationship before you do this.

79. Answer Questions On Forums

Be sure to answer truthfully, you might just be able to help someone in need.

80. Do Some Window Shopping On Amazon

Practice self-control please, just window-shop, don’t buy them.

via: Pexels / Sagar Soneji

81. Tour The Earth Using Google Earth

Get into the most remote places and discover new travel destinations.

82. Create a how-to Youtube video

The best thing about this is that you’ll be able to help somebody with your video.

84. Take a free online class

Learning for free? Just the best thing that’s out there.

8. Know that it’s OK to cancel…if you handle it maturely and responsibly

Canceling plans is a gateway drug to a lifetime of Netflix marathons and personal-size pizzas, but like any drug, it must be treated with care. There are people who enjoy having plans as much as other people enjoy canceling them, and we all have to compromise sometimes.

If you need to cancel for any reason, give the other person/people a heads-up the second you think there might be a problem — and no, that problem can’t be that another plan sounds better, or that you suddenly don’t feel like doing the thing you agreed to do weeks or days ago. You don’t need to over-apologize or get into the nitty-gritty details. And if/when you do actually have to cut the cord and cancel, again, suggest another real time you can do something. Unless you really don’t ever want to see them again, in which case, you do you.

Downloadable and Printable List of Things To Do With Friends

Here is a downloadable and printable jpg/pdf list of things to do with friends (right-click the image and select Save Image As…):

via: Mantelligence

4. Use the right tools to find airfare deals. 

Aside from joining Scott’s Cheap Flights, there are a few tools you can use to make it easier to find the best deals, especially if you are flexible on travel dates and destinations. 

Skyscanner has a handy “Search Everywhere” option that shows you the cheapest flights from your airport during your selected date range. 

The Google Flights Explore map is similar. Input your departure airport(s) and it will show you the cheapest places on the map you can fly to either during specific dates, or during a date range like a weekend, one-week, or two-week trip during a specific month. You can type in a specific region or move the map to narrow down your options. 

3. Love is like a shadow, when you chase it, it runs away, when you turn back and walk away, it follows you. Unknown

I think that quote is a little extreme, but it illustrates an interesting point. It actually goes back to what I was saying in the last section – you will not be able to attract a relationship if you’re looking for it to fill an emotional void for you.

There’s a difference between wanting and chasing.  It’s fine to want a relationship. But chasing a relationship is different. It implies that you have a desperate need to have it, like it’s the only possible nourishment for your starving heart.  Poetic, but very bad for success…

MORE: Why The Guys You Want Don’t Want You

I’m going to tell you something shocking. If you can do this next thing, it will change everything for you.  But chances are, you’re going to protest it and want to fight me on it.  And it is…

Open up your dating options… start talking with and meeting other men.  Rack up options.

Yes… in case your head is not computing that I’m telling you to date other men in an article about getting out of the friend zone with your guy friend… yes, I’m telling you to start opening yourself up to other men. And be earnest in your efforts.  Really put some energy into meeting new men and talking with new guys… you don’t have to date them or sleep with them or marry them.  Just talk with them and get some guys interested in you.

Who knows, you might even end up meeting a better guy in the process.  You never know if your true destiny is to meet your perfect man by accident… don’t resist this.

Open your options up so that you know that you’re not dependent on just one option.

I almost feel evil for saying it, but for some guys just seeing that he might lose his shot with a girl can be all he needs to snap to attention and reconsider his feelings for you… lest he should lose you to some other guy.  Worth noting, but in this case don’t make this your focus.

For now, this is just about options.

When I want to ensure that I actually get to see the people I want see and do the things I want to do, I follow these simple guidelines.*

*Put together, all of these prescriptions may seem like an overdose and the antithesis of fun. I would argue that being stuck in a permanent holding pattern of “Let’s hang out soon!” “Yeah, would love that!” is the anthesis of fun, but YMMV.

Anyway, you do not have to follow these rules to the letter, nor do you have to follow them at all. Do what makes sense for your lifestyle and relationships, so long as your end goal is to not be shitty.

Dont Get Used Signs They Aren’t Interested In You Perhaps Just Passing Time

It’s human nature to want to be wanted. I know I’m made excuses for unloving behaviors of people I’ve wanted to love me. Safe to say, we’ve all done it.

When you think you are in love with someone, the blinders go up and red flags get run right over. We choose to ignore our gut feeling and often won’t pay attention to friends warning us of a bad relationship.

Sucks but it’s true.

You need to protect your heart and self by consciously recognizing when a guy or gal really isn’t into you. They have a decision to make. Either they are in or out.

Woman’s Day experts emphasize the fact you should never sell yourself short. You deserve to be loved and love – The End.

Red hot signals they are just passing time with you:

They Rarely Contact You

This one is pretty self explanatory. If you’re into someone and they aren’t really giving you the time of day, it’s time to shift gears and move on pronto.

You Feel Like An Option

You feel what you feel right? If you are trying to capture the attention of someone and they make you feel like a nobody, like an option, it’s time to pack your bags and open the door to what you deserve.

Non-Committers

These are the yahoos that like to sit on the fence and don’t seem to have the ability to commit, to shout out to the world that the two of you are a couple. This just shows you how important you are to them – you’re not really and once again you need to vamoose!

Transmissions Blown And You’re In Reverse

If your relationship doesn’t seem to be going anywhere, or worse yet, you’re going backwards or stalled, you need to accept this as a clear-cut sign it’s over. Sad but true.

You Are Top Secret

This one really sucks. If your partner is hiding you from the world and doesn’t introduce you to his friends and family, that’s another signal you deserve better.

You’re On Speed Dial When They Want Something

Relationships are give and take and if you are always the giver, there’s a problem. It could be attention, money, sex, or just a ride to work they want. Doesn’t matter because if you are always giving, you need to either level the playing field or call it quits.

Afterthought Plans

If it seems like everything is last minute and you feel like you’re an afterthought that may be a signal they don’t value you for you. This is along the lines of using someone and what you should do is not be available.

Drama Creators

If they try and create drama so you will be the one to call it off, you might want to step up to the plate and hit a homer right out of the park. Just make sure, they are attached to it!

After The Breakup, They Still Make Sure You Know What They Are Doing

People break up for many reasons. And one thing I’ve learned the hard way is an ex is an ex for a reason. Just promise me, you aren’t going to feel flattered they are calling you and they might be interested in you again.

It’s not true and you don’t deserve to be hurt anymore. Move on please.

They Get Active When You Are Moving On With Someone Else

This is exactly what you should be doing after a breakup; moving on with someone magical when you’re ready. Your ex really has no say so tell them to butt out fast. They may be attempting to interfere just because they are control freaks or they don’t want you to be happy with anyone else.

So lame – Ignore them and find your happy.

Playing The E-Mail/Text Card

If your ex tends to texts and emails that you eagerly respond to, and they take forever and a day to reply back, they aren’t into you.  Sure your heart may flutter for a minute or two but you need to ignore it.

This is just a half ass effort to try and play you. Don’t fall for it. You’re better than that!

They Aren’t Calling It Quits With Their Partner

If this person expects you to be with them but they aren’t breaking up with their partner, you need to get the beep out of there fast.

Think about it for a minute. If they wanted to be with you, they would show you. They would make the decision to make you their one and only, no questions asked.

Divorce In Limbo

If the guy or gal you are into is just separated and not taking action to get legally divorced, they aren’t into you. As much as you think you might love them, it really doesn’t matter. If they aren’t returning the favor by showing you, it’s time to move on.

Excuses Galore

If they are always making excuses; breaking dates, missing the bus, broken down car, these are red hot signals they aren’t into you.

Excuses get you nowhere fast, trust me.

Lack Of Effort

If they seem to be making no effort to see you and make you happy, this could be a sign they are just using you to pass the time. Particularly, if they don’t pick up their socks the second they feel they are going to lose you.

Tell them to take a hike – Need I say more?

Flip Flop Red Alert

If they are continuously changing their mind about how they feel about you, it’s a wise-owl move to pinch and release them. Playing ping-pong with emotions isn’t fun for anyone, particularly when you’re on the receiving end all the time.

It’s All About Them

Been there done that with this one I’m afraid to admit. When the girl or boy you are interested in never stops talking about themselves or they keep interrupting you and flipping the conversation, they really don’t care about you or your feelings.

This is a tough pill to swallow. What you need to understand is you are better than that. You deserve to have someone by your side that is totally head over heels for you and can’t get enough of you.

Believe it and accept nothing less.

They Profess Their Love For You But Aren’t “In” Love With You

This screams non-committer to me! If someone is making excuses and saying they aren’t good enough for you or you deserve better, you do! Mademoiselle relationship gurus say, you should take the bull by the horn and move on pronto.

Players Be Gone

There are exceptions to just about every rule but not this one. If the person you are with is sleeping with other people or even entertaining the thought, they aren’t for you. Holy crap! Have a little belief and confidence in yourself please!

If you are “the one,” your partner isn’t going to want to sleep with anyone but you.

It’s All About Sex Baby

If your relationship is based on late night booty calls and always features sex, you better give your head a shake and rethink this relationship. Now, if you just want sex and nothing else, it could work.

However, if you are looking for a solid healthy relationship that progresses, perhaps till death do you part, then you need to walk away from this one fast. They aren’t into you the way you deserve.

Too Much Time For The Followup

If you go out on a date and have to wait days for them to follow up, call or text you, that’s a signal they are not putting you first.

Never wait more than a day or two for followup communication after you’ve gone out with someone. They should want to get in contact with you sooner rather than later if they are into you.

They Are Power Freaks

Relationships are give and take and if this person isn’t willing to bend a little and meet you part way, it’s a surefire signal you need to call it quits.

Nobody wants someone telling them what to do all the time and this scenario reeks of it. Just hightail it out of there please.

They Don’t Respect You

Everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect and if you don’t believe that you’re off your rocker. Respect and integrity are two key factors in any healthy relationship, friendship or otherwise.

Make sure you don’t bend here. Stay strong and go after what you deserve. Walk away if you must, it makes you stronger for it.

They Are Pleasant With Everyone But You

Once again, behind closed doors is when a person shows you who they truly are. Worse yet, if you are out in public and being treated like crap, that’s a rock solid indicator this relationship has to end right now. Before it even began in some cases.

Don’t fall prey here please.

They Show Narcissist Characteristics

If they are manipulative, jealous and controlling, these are signs they are definitely not interested in you. Those 3 factors have no place in love and don’t try to convince yourself otherwise.

This type of person doesn’t have the ability to have a healthy respectful relationship. It will just be loaded with pain and hurt.

Get out now.

No Time

Sure, life gets busy but if you want to be with someone you can always make time for them. Even if it’s just a quick coffee, text, or phone call on occasion. Relationships don’t work if you aren’t spending quality time together.

What that shows is your priorities are messed up.

If someone truly has a genuine interest in you, they should be showing you on many different levels. They should be respectful and understanding, interested in you, wanting to make plans and spend time with you, happy to share you with friends and family, and ultimately care about you.

Make sure you respect yourself and go after what you want. If the person you are interested in isn’t doing their damnedest to make sure you feel loved and appreciated, then as hard as it is you should move on.

Just don’t sell yourself short and accept someone just because you are afraid of being lonely or you habitually need someone by your side, right or wrong.

Final Words

How to slip out of the friend zone really can get quite tricky. You’ve got to gather the factual information in front of you, stop making assumptions, and don’t be afraid to follow your gut.

This isn’t to say you’re going to make mistakes and steer yourself in the wrong direction from time to time because you will. But with these signals and tactics, you’ll arm yourself with the information you need to confidently take action to find and keep that special person you deserve to build a relationship with.

Now it’s time for you to tap into your confidence and get answers to the questions that have been keeping you up at night. Doesn’t matter whether you use the direct or indirect route.

Just make the choice to get your answers and move forward positively with a smile.

Your look

Guys respond to looks.  It’s not fair, we didn’t choose our biological/sexual makeup – it is what it is. The sooner that you can accept that guys respond to the physical appearance of women, the sooner you can use it to your advantage.

For the sake of keeping an already long article as short as it can be, I will briefly touch upon things you can do to punch up your look:

• Get into the best shape of your life.  As a dating advice writer, I don’t like telling women to get in shape.  Some of my closest female friends and ex-girlfriends have had eating disorders in their lifetime.  It’s tragic and heartbreaking and I would never want any girl to have one.  So I want to be very clear: never, ever get into extreme dieting or ruthless fitness.  It may seem like the answer at the time, but in the long run you will pay dearly for it and I promise you that you’ll end up far worse off than when you started.With that said, I do advocate you eating healthy and working out regularly.  I eat right and I work out hard, but it is balanced – I used to go super extreme and I actually ended up getting worse results because of the strain I put on my body.If you feel like you could get into better physical shape, then pick a good fitness program and get to work.  Don’t worry about your natural body type or shape.  Guys are attracted to all different body types and shapes, but we unanimously like one thing: fit, healthy, happy women.  Aim for that – make it a goal and you will be very happy with the results.  (For further reference, see Ask a Guy: What Do Guys Think of Super Skinny Girls)
• Master your makeup.  Makeup is one of the greatest advantages women have over men in terms of massively increasing their attractiveness with minimal effort.  Just ask Jenna Marbles in the video, “How to Trick People Into Thinking You’re Really Good Looking .”OK, I’m kidding with the last link… but not really. In all seriousness, read A New Mode’s beauty section.  Next…
• Dress right.  Whatever you choose to wear, be sure you wear it with confidence. There is nothing attractive about a woman who is fidgeting with her outfit constantly or one who looks uncomfortable. Confidence is magnetic to guys, so wear things that make you feel amazing about yourself. On this note, A New Mode has tons and tons of great fashion advice.  Look around and study up. As a guy, I’ll share the best fashion advice I ever got:  Wear what the mannequins are wearing and wear clothes that fit your body perfectly (and being that that’s the best fashion advice I think you can see why Sabrina is our designated fashion expert and not me!).

I Got Rejected—Now What!?

If all else fails, accept that you’re never getting out of the friend zone. That’s OK!

Remember, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

And besides, being friends isn’t that bad. There’s plenty of science on why good friendships help people live longer, happier lives. Read up more on these resources to maximize your friendships:

• Be More Likable Using These 5 Science Backed Strategies
• How to Have and Hold Dazzling Conversation With Anyone
• How to Make Friends As An Adult In 5 Easy to Use Steps

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Step 3: get back in touch with her

Now that you’ve created a clean break with the girl as well as a new picture of yourself in her mind, you can get back in touch with her.

Many guys do it the wrong way when they want to get back in touch with the girl that put them into her friendzone…which dooms them to stay into the friend zone.

We’re going to see below how you can get back in touch with your (former) friend in a way that will reinforce the picture of a potential lover you’ll have created in her mind.

Here we must distinguish between two cases:

A) You come across the girl (accidentally) and have a brief discussion with her:

That’s the option I prefer, since it is more natural and spontaneous.

You point out to the girl that it’s been a while since you’ve seen each other and you suggest doing something with her later in the week (hang out in a bar or a café, go for a walk or any other activity).

You tell her that you’ll send her a text later to set that up, or even better: set it up right away with her. The key is to keep it relatively short and stay mysterious.

Mystery is very powerful here. It is very exciting.

The girl will start making stories up in her head. She’s going to question himself. She’s going to become obsessive about you.

B) You can’t come across the girl (physically) and you get back in touch with her by sending her a text:

Either you text her or she texts you.

The best case scenario is when she’s the one who texts first.

If you’ve done a great job during step two, it could happen.

Now, in the event where she doesn’t get back in touch with you by herself, it’s you who will have to get back in touch with her.

What can you text her?

A great way to get back in touch with her in a spontaneous (and sort of accidental) way is to send her a text because something during your day made you think about her, and as a result you decided to send her a text.

It can be a mutual friend you just came across, something that made you think about a private joke you had together, a discussion with someone in which you talked about a topic that made you think about her, and so on.

The key is to find something implying that you thought about her in a spontaneous way.

This is important because it allows you to get back in touch with her in a natural way.

It doesn’t give the impression that you planned to get back in touch with her.

In your first text, you’re going to point out at the fact that it’s been a while.

Stressing this is going to make the clean break you created in step one more obvious. It’s going to amplify it.

What to do with her?

The key here is to invite her to do something you weren’t used to doing with her before (when you were still her “friend“).

Not a typical thing you used to do with her before.

Why, you might ask?

Well, simply because if you do a typical thing you used to do with her when you were in her friendzone, you’re going to ruin the newly created mental picture of yourself you’ll have created during the break.

Because it will remind her of the friend you used to be.

You must be different (or at least you must appear different).

You must not be seen as a friend, but instead as a potential lover.

You must have changed (at least in the eyes of the girl).

That’s precisely why you shouldn’t do something typical you used to do with her before.

If you used to hang out at a particular bar or café together when you were friends, then go have a drink in another bar or café (or don’t have a drink at all and do something different).

If you used to walk in a particular park together when you were friends, then go have a walk in another park (or don’t have a walk in a park at all and do something completely different).

The examples are limitless.

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